by Nikki Trott for her blog

Re-write your story and make big changes.

Do you feel unhappy in your career, have a niggling feeling about your business or relationship, or a sense that you’re not fulfilled and know you have more to offer?

Maybe you’re not sure how. Perhaps you can hear an inner calling to transform something in your life, but any idea of change is accompanied by an uncomfortable feeling. This aversion is completely normal. It’s called: fear.

“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.”
― Joseph Campbell

Why do we have fears?

The capacity to fear is part of human nature. From an evolutionary perspective, fears can be adaptations that have been useful in our evolutionary past.

However, the fear of profound changes in your life are a result of social and cultural learning - called fear conditioning in psychology.

Sometimes it may not even look or feel like fear. It can feel quite different to what you might expect, for example by manifesting in other feelings such as nervousness. Your brain has been trained to prefer predictability and comfort, and can flood your body with feelings of fear and anxiety when your routines are challenged.

This is why making changes in life can be so hard.

Nothing holds us back in life more than our own fears. To succeed, you have to embrace discomfort. We all have to face our fears.

How can you crush your fears?

Why can’t you just decide that you won’t be afraid anymore?

The answer is simple: You can’t selectively shut down your emotions that are triggered in your subconscious with a command from your conscious mind.

The first step to overcoming your fears, so you can live the life you truly want, is to identify your fears.

This is the first step towards a life free from fears.

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.” — Marie Curie

Firstly, bring your dreams into your consciousness. What would your ideal life, business or relationships be like?

Observe any negative or limiting thoughts that might come up. Try to listen to your body. When you sit still and turn inwards, can you detect any sensations that could be fear-related?

The killer question

One of the most powerful questions I ask my transformation coaching clients is:

What’s the worst that could happen?

When a fear arises for you, ask yourself this question. What are you confronted by? Whatever comes up for you will help you to discover the real obstacles that are holding you back from the fulfilling life you want. Say your thoughts out loud or write them down in your journal. Just by allowing them to exist and facing them directly, you already shrink their power. You will probably also realise that the fears are never as bad as you think they are when you take control of them by inviting them into your space and stop hiding from them.

Break your blocking patterns and rewrite your story

Your brain is hardwired to trigger a behaviour that tries to get you out of the scary situation of change by bringing you an unhelpful serving of self-doubt. 

There are many different types of these fear routines. One example: The Martyr routine where being a people-pleaser and serving others becomes the main focus of life. The Martyr thinks they don’t have time to follow their dreams because others need them. This person’s brain will reward them for helping others over and over again, rather than for initiating change in an unfulfilling career or relationship.

The more you think about fears, the more they manifest in your life and produce a loop of fears. They reproduce themselves and create deeper constraining habit patterns. Instead, you can actively reframe your limiting beliefs and build confidence.

Breaking fear routines is possible by bringing awareness to them, and then exchanging them with encouraging new patterns.

You will have already started to identify your fears. To create new, positive patterns, you must rewrite your own story.

Consider an area of your life where you feel stuck or fearful. Then finish the sentence “I’m frustrated, because...”.

Now write down the limiting story you are telling yourself. For example “I am not capable of changing my life, because...”.

Then turn the story into a story of positive change by writing “I am open to looking at these options for change...”.

These are just examples, you can add your own questions if they come up for you as you work to initiate your own change.

Reframing your limiting stories in this way is not about creating affirmations of empty optimism, but about actions. Acknowledge your struggle and pain without letting your own stories spiral into a never-ending loop without resolution or healing.

Keep positive company

When you put in this hard work and commit to transformation, it’s important to consider your wider environment too. To change your life, you need to surround yourself with supportive people who also honour freedom over fear.

Negativity and fear are, unfortunately, infectious. Every fear-driven reaction you encounter will reinforce the fear within you - just as every freedom-driven reaction you encounter will reinforce positivity within you.

If you feel someone is holding you back, you might need to respectfully take your distance so that you can nurture your growth. Communicate this with kindness, and the people who really have your best interests at heart will be the ones who stick around.

It can be useful to team up with someone you know - or come to know - who is also looking to make changes in their life. Create a weekly accountability practice where you share your thoughts, fears, journal points or realisations and actions from a vulnerable place. Share the successes and twists and turns of your journey of change, and most importantly create a safe space for the other person where you actively listen without judgement.

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Written by Transformation Coach, Brand Consultant and Podcaster of Going Conscious, Nikki Trott.

If you’re ready to explore your route to coaching and find your perfect match, book your complimentary coach matching call with our founder Catherine today.